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My 12-Step Plan for Aging Gracefully

Loraine lives in northeast Nebraska. Now retired, she enjoys arts and crafts, and she used to be a volunteer art teacher.


Age Gracefully With a Positive Attitude

Are you aging gracefully? Is there a smile on your face, a spring in your step, and do you sport a positive attitude? If you can reply with a resounding, "Yes!" then you probably don't need to read this article. But if you can't truthfully answer positively, then read on.

You may wonder what makes me think I know the answers to these questions. Well, I think you already know the answers just as well as I do, but sometimes, we all just need a reminder. I'm inviting you to read this senior's plan for graceful aging. After all—we're on this journey together.


Step 1 - Adjust Your Attitude

... if needed.

Have you ever noticed that some 50-year-olds look and act like they're 80, and some 80-year-olds look and act like they are 50? Now, I'm not talking about folks who have serious or crippling illnesses. I'm talking about seniors that seem to think they are supposed to "act" old—you know who you are.

Try this:

Put a big smile on your face, stand up tall, and walk around the room two times. I'll bet you already feel better. Our attitude has so much to do with how we feel. Okay, so sometimes we have to fake feeling great—but if we do it, pretty soon, we'll actually start believing and feeling it.

We should all try to live by this quote by Charles R. Swindoll:

"We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude."

Another favorite quote of mine is this one by Abe Lincoln:

"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

We really do have control over our attitude. We may not be able to change a situation, but we can control how we react. Be positive, not negative.

Step 2 - Skip the Complaints

...they're boring.

No doubt, you have aches and pains. That's part of aging. I don't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that if all the people in a room could lay their problems out on the table, and then choose among those laying there, most folks would pick up the ones they laid down.

Chances are, you've learned how to live with the problems you have, and you wouldn't want to have to learn to live with new ones. Remember the adage: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? If you cross over to the other side and look back, the grass is greener on the side you came from.

So, now we have to figure out how we are going to go about this aging process gracefully. Well, to start out, there are a few things you can start doing immediately. Put that smile on your face. Make your eyes twinkle, and turn up the ends of your mouth. That wasn't so hard, was it? I'm already feeling better. Sit or stand up as straight as you can. Suck your gut in a little, and imagine you're balancing a wine glass on your head. (We're imagining this, so we might as well imagine wine in the glass and take a sip or two.)

Remember, when someone asks you how you feel, they're just being polite and starting a conversation—they really don't want to hear about your latest sickness or hospital stay. The only time you should talk about your illness is if someone has directly asked about it. For instance, if someone says, "I heard you were in the hospital, how are you feeling today?" This person might actually be interested in your health, but be sure to keep the answer short and then talk about something else. Even the weather is more interesting than sore knees or any other complaints. The last thing we want is to be thought of as grouchy old crabs. No one—absolutely no one—wants to be around a whiner.

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Step 3 - Avoid Controversial Stuff

People say that if you wish to live harmoniously, you should avoid discussing religion and politics, so the following two points are purely my own opinion. You may accept or reject them, as you wish.

Religion: Whether you are religious or not, it's best to avoid this topic unless you know that the people around you are of the same mind as you. Practice whatever you choose, and allow others to do the same.

Politics: There is a time and a season for everything. We're now at the age when we can be concerned about something but choose to let someone else make the waves. Go out and VOTE.


Step 4 - Keep Busy

... a solution to boredom.

If you are bored and find that you are sticking your nose into other people's business, get a part-time job or become a volunteer.

First and foremost, working and/or volunteering will make you realize that you are still a valuable person. I'm not suggesting doing something strenuous or stressful, but something you feel comfortable doing. Consider what you spent your life doing and then decide what kind of work you would enjoy. You still have a lot to contribute, and there are so many places that would welcome volunteers. Schools, churches, and hospitals all need volunteers.

Many stores welcome part-time employees who are more seasoned. Granted, the pay is usually minimal, but you'll profit by being around people, having something to do, and somewhere to go.


Step 5 - Family Relations and Opinions

... only when asked.

Are you aging gracefully in regard to family relations? As we age, our family is probably one of our top priorities, and because we have a lot of experience and have made all sorts of mistakes during our youth, we think we'll keep our family members from making the same mistakes by counseling them. However, we should only give our opinions when we are asked for them.

Keeping our noses out of our children's business may be hard to do, but it can and must be done. They are the parents themselves, and unless we want to admit that we did a lousy job raising our own children, it is best to let them raise their children. Chances are, they are unconsciously duplicating our methods of child rearing.

Unless our adult children expressly ask for our opinions about their kids, jobs, politics, finances, religion, or lack thereof—keep out of it. And, it goes without saying, you shouldn't discuss your children's business with anyone else.

Step 6 - Money and Inheritance

... spend it.

On the subject of money, I read once that the best thing a parent can do for their child(ren), in regards to inheritance, is to spend the money. Families have been torn apart when they battle over the fairness of an inheritance. Do your children a favor: go on a cruise, buy a Cadillac, and dine out every chance you get.

Of course, I'm not suggesting you do these things unless you can actually afford it. I won't be going on any cruises, myself. In other words, only spend the money you do have.

While we're on the subject of money, it's not smart to go into debt to buy your family gifts. You can't buy love—they'll love you without bribery.

Step 7 - Stop the Blame Game

... be the first to forgive.

This is one of the most important ways of aging gracefully. When it comes to your family members and friends, be the first to mend fences. Life is way too short (especially for us) to spend it being angry at anyone.

Don't let "saving face" ruin a chance of reconciliation. If you said or did something to cause the riff, admit it and express heartfelt sorrow. If something was said or done to you, admit that your reaction was overly harsh or defensive.

No matter whose fault it is, staying angry isn't an option. Again what happens may be out of your control, but your reaction to it is in your control.


Step 8 Entertainment

... is your responsibility.

We can't expect our families or friends to always be available to entertain us. If you are bored, do something about it. Find fun things to do.

Go out and buy a Wii, have a grandchild set it up for you, and bowl or dance to your heart's content. Your grandchild will love to show you how to set up and use the Wii, and unless they already have one at home, you'll probably have a buddy to bowl or dance with.

Invite friends to go dancing, bowling, out to dinner or to a movie. Invite friends to your home, play cards, or get out the Wii and bowl. You'll be surprised at how much fun you'll have. One other thing, when your grandchild or your friends are at your home keep the visit upbeat. No complaining or whining!

Step 9 - Keep It Clean

Do you know how to age gracefully in regards to hygiene? This can be a tough and touchy subject to bring up, but are you bathing or showering daily? I know, some health experts suggest that because our skin is drier as we age, we shouldn't shower every day.

However, I don't believe this excuse "holds water," because there are so many moisturizers we can use. I don't know the reason for this fact, but if older folks don't shower every day, they stink or have an old-people smell. I know, I don't like it, either, but facts are facts—and how we deal with it is by bathing and moisturizing. Your family and friends most likely will not mention that you smell, so please, read this and believe me.

Now, let's talk about teeth. We need to brush or soak our teeth—you know which pertains to you. By this time in our lives, this should be such a deeply ingrained habit that it doesn't have to be brought up. But in terms of our health, it is very important to take care of our teeth and gums. Mouthwash will help prevent bad breath. No one wants to get close to us if we blow bad breath at them. It's also necessary to visit the dentist. I've found that using dental floss (I like the kind with the little handle) really does keep the plaque from building up.


Step 10 - Watch Your Weight

... and exercise.

Is your weight a concern for you? If you are overweight, change your eating habits. I decided to lose weight because my knees were hurting, and I didn't want that to be the reason I wasn't going out and doing things.

My doctor told me that for every pound that I was overweight, it put 7 pounds of pressure on my knees. Well, no wonder they hurt. Since then, I've taken about 280 pounds of pressure off my knees. I decided I was going to lose weight to be healthy and agile, not for looks. I found that going to Weight Watchers and learning what and how much to eat was the right approach for me. I've lost almost 40 pounds and feel great. I'm 72 years old, so it's not too late for you to lose those extra pounds.

Exercise is not my strong point. I do my walking by parking farther away from the store, walking around in the store, and then walking back to my car. On Fridays, I'm on my feet most of the day because that's when I volunteer in art classes at the elementary school. I do agree with the experts that we all need to get off our behinds, but I sometimes wonder if all that walking and running isn't the precursor to the knee and hip replacements we hear about.

I feel that getting rid of excess weight through good eating habits is a better solution to knee and hip health. If you want to exercise, then you can dance, bowl, golf, or buy exercise equipment.

Step 11 - Dress for Comfort

... but neatly.

Do you dress to impress, or do you choose your clothes for comfort? You should know that there are styles that are both comfortable and stylish. If you find that you are still wearing clothes that you purchased more than five years ago, it's time to ditch them. They've done their duty and no doubt look awful. They aren't even suitable for everyday or at-home wear. Go through your closets and drawers, and pitch all the old and worn-out stuff.

Double knits have been out for years—you deserve better. Buy just a few new pieces that make you look and feel terrific.


How many pairs of shoes do you have that you haven't worn for years? First of all, trash any that are old and worn out. You don't need them, and no one else will want them. Take any decent shoes that you haven't worn for a long time, and give them to a charity or the Goodwill. Someone will find more use for them than you have. Polish and clean up the shoes you love to wear. Maybe you'll even want to buy a new pair or two.


So many comfortable, attractive outfits are accessorized for public wear. I'm not too crazy about seeing gobs of rings on my wrinkled hands, but if that turns your crank, do it. We're old enough now to do our own thing when accessorizing. As Sandra Martz says in her book, When I Am an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple, "I love long, ankle length skirts—now I shall wear them!"

Step 11 - It's Easy to Dress With Grace

... and style.

I have found a great fashion website for mature women that I think you will thoroughly enjoy. It's a must-read for all the beautiful, mature women out there, and that means you! It's called A Well Styled Life, and it has tips for how to wear what you have in your closet fashionably. This site isn't just about sales; I have found a lot of great information there.

For men, there seems to be two categories of fashions: clothes for guys in their 20s and clothes for guys who are 40 and over. I found a website called AskMen that has great suggestions for the mature man.

Here is a quote from this website: "Don't fall for today's fashion-marketing ploys. By now you should maintain a style that's timeless, not timely; you should avoid the latest trends at all costs."

Step 12 - Change With the Times

... hairstyles have changed.

Are you still wearing the same hairstyle that you wore when you were 30 years old? Maybe now is a good time to change it. You'll feel like a new woman. To color or not to color; that's a choice you need to make. If you do choose to color your hair, make sure you do the touch-up when needed. Gray roots are not attractive, and there are many products to use between colorings. I chose to go natural when I got tired of keeping the gray roots covered.


This may come as a surprise, but some makeup is necessary for the older lady. A little lipstick and a touch of rouge will make you look lively and vibrant. As young girls, we may have been able to get by on our natural beauty; but with age, nature needs a little help.


Shave. Only young guys look good with a day-or-two-old shadow. Older guys look distinguished clean-shaven, and they look scuzzy with whiskers. Of course, that's just my opinion, so if your wife or friend thinks you look grand when you haven't shaved, go ahead and enjoy.

“You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”

— George Bernard Shaw

Plan of Action

... decide to be positive.

As I am getting older, I'm becoming more aware and concerned about how I'm going to do my own "graceful aging." There is nothing graceful about complaining and expressing discontent about anything and everything. As a younger person, I used to admire the elderly folks who kept busy and were upbeat—and I promised myself that when I became older, I would pattern my advancing years after those folks.

These are some of the actions I have admired and want to integrate into my own life:

  1. Take care of your health and that of your spouse
  2. Have a positive attitude
  3. Keep busy
  4. Forgive
  5. Spend wisely
  6. Be responsible for your own happiness.

I hope some part of this article inspires you to embrace and enjoy the aging process and to do it correctly!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2011 Loraine Brummer

Relax and Enjoy the Ride! Please Leave a Comment Below.

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on August 01, 2017:

I tried to add this to the comment below: The information about the author comes from a site called goodreads. Other places say "author unknown."

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on August 01, 2017:

Thank you for pointing out that I'd forgotten to add the authors name to the quote. I have corrected that. His name is Ron Sims, the author of "Flying Free."

gerrielynn on August 01, 2017:

Absolutely the best advice I've read for us 'oldies' in a long time! Aging with grace is SO important, and so many senior citizens just don't get it. I loved each point and could comment on each one if I had time. But I do have one question, who's quote is the "God grant me..." one? I love it!!

venessa on October 22, 2016:

Great list for better health and life. I am a young senior and I will remember to embrace life instead of fleeing from it.

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on July 23, 2015:

I am really appreciating the slower pace of retirement. But I do notice that, when I look back, the time seems to have gone much faster than when I was actually living it. Twenty years seems like a lot of time when those years are yet to be lived, but when looking back,... the past twenty years have really sped by.

peachy from Home Sweet Home on July 23, 2015:

Keeping life busy with activities help to age gracefully

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on May 25, 2015:

I also think that it's important to walk tall and step high. It's too easy to allow ourselves to slouch and shuffle which only makes us appear older than we are. Happy aging!

nancy salgado on May 23, 2015:

Wonderful article. It makes you see just how important it is to have a good attitude about getting older. thanks for the enlitement. and the funny videos.

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on January 08, 2015:

Thanks, Kenneth, for your visit and comment. My wish for you is that you have a very productive and profitable New Year on HubPages.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on January 06, 2015:

Jan. 6.

Dear Loraine,

Excellent hub. Nicely done. Thanks. And I wish you and yours a Happy New Year. Keep up the Great work.

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on January 06, 2015:

Hi MsDora! Sorry, I just didn't check my comments sooner and didn't see your comment. Thanks so much for your nice comments. This getting older isn't all bad, I'm enjoying having choices for what to do with my time.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on January 05, 2015:

Great article! I visited before and thought I left a comment (sign of aging, you think?) Anyway, I like all your steps and all your quotes. This is a very practical guide for us, seniors. Thank you.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on January 03, 2015:

I like all your suggestions and I also like the positive attitude which you present them. Very practical and meaningful. Thanks!

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on November 05, 2014:

Hi Judy. It sounds like you have a good handle on this road we're on. I appreciate your visit and comment. May all your RV trips be safe and fun, may you have more wins than loses in tennis, receive lots of hugs from grandchildren and may your songs remain harmonious. And, rest easy while cuddling your cat.

Judy Filarecki from SW Arizona and Northern New York on November 04, 2014:

Enjoyed reading all your steps. I'm all ready following most of them and had to laugh at a few such as "spend it." I spend on select things, but they are all things that keep me young: playing tennis with friends, my son and my grandchildren, painting, singing in a chorus, traveling in an RV, doing woodworking projects, and cuddling with my cat.

Loraine Brummer (author) from Hartington, Nebraska on October 02, 2014:

Kenneth, I'm so sorry for this very late reply to your comment. This morning was the first time I noticed the Hub Comments, another of those things I blame on aging. You definitely have made my day, week, month and possibly the year, with your greatly appreciated comment. Every ex-Squid should be so honored as to have you visit them. Thanks a million and one. Not only have you said nice things about my Hub, you've given me confidence to add more Hubs.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on September 22, 2014:


Fantastic work. No. I am not going gentle into that good night. I knew that one day, this famous quote from Dylan Thomas would serve me well.

As for your hub.

I love this hub. And here are the reasons why:

1. This is an excellent piece of writing. Honestly, it is amazing.

2, I loved every word.

3. Graphics, superb.

4. This hub was helpful, informative and very interesting.

5. Voted Up and all of the choices.

6. I loved your topic of this hub.

You are certainly a gifted writer. Keep the great hubs coming.


Kenneth Avery, Hamilton, Alabama

Elsie Hagley from New Zealand on July 02, 2014:

Great article I have added to my pin board, Health and aging.

John Dyhouse from UK on May 15, 2014:

Great lens with some good advice. I love the qquote by BM Baruch, exactly how I feel, although I have prepared as much as possible for the inevitable.

Ilona E from Ohio on February 20, 2014:

I love your lens! It has great advice of all the right kinds, and it is beautifully presented!

acreativethinker on September 14, 2013:

So much good advice and wonderful lens. Thanks for sharing. Take care :)

AmandaJon on June 13, 2013:

What a beautiful write and wonderful way to view life. Excellent advice! Thank you for sharing!

tasrex on May 30, 2013:

Great lens. I'm 75 years young and enjoying life to the full. I'm already doing many of the things you recommend, but still found some good advice. I have fish oil every day, exercise in the morning, follow a vegetarian diet. My blood pressure is normal and I don't take any pills. Something must be working.

geosum on April 18, 2013:

Nice Lens. I'm going on 76 and feel great these days. I've lost 80 lbs in the last 7 months, exercise daily, eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, and try not to aggravate those around me too much. Life is good.

anonymous on April 10, 2013:

What wonderful, uplifting advice. Thank you.

LadyDuck on February 24, 2013:

Great lens, good attitude think positive and keep active!

anonymous on August 26, 2012:

very informative articles. They gave me some ideas I would not have thought of by myself.

texan203 lm on July 30, 2012:

Great attitude, I agree completely

tullygann on July 27, 2012:

Great information....I love the quotes.

anonymous on June 29, 2012:

Great advice.

anonymous on June 26, 2012:

By following your advice! Great lens - really enjoyed it.

sandi_x on June 21, 2012:

Really great advice

KateHonebrink on April 09, 2012:

Do what you love and love what you do! That makes it fun to get up every day and look forward to the future!

AJ from Australia on March 05, 2012:

Blessed! And included in my tribute lens - Colossal Squid Stars!

goldenrulecomics from New Jersey on November 27, 2011:

This is great advice for any age!

anonymous on November 25, 2011:

What great advice you have in this lens! I'm 55 and am finding the experience of getting older to be an interesting experience. Hope I can follow the steps you've laid out here.

JoshK47 on November 23, 2011:

Wonderful lens - it's very true that attitude has everything to do with it. Keep a little bit of a child inside you at all times and you'll age as gracefully as possible. Blessed by a SquidAngel!

beckyf on November 18, 2011:

Love this lens! I agree with the person that said you are a breath of fresh air. Nicely done!

Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on November 14, 2011:

We are already in this and we did plan early. We are very much engaged and enjoy it immensely. We enjoy things with the kids and do assignments with grandkids even if we are far away from them. We have renovated our summer home to accommodate everyone and they do come home from various parts of the world. It is attitude definitely and good planning but what supports these is clarity in what you most value.

Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on November 14, 2011:

We are already in this and we did plan early. We are very much engaged and enjoy it immensely. We enjoy things with the kids and do assignments with grandkids even if we are far away from them. We have renovated our summer home to accommodate everyone and they do come home from various parts of the world. It is attitude definitely and good planning but what supports these is clarity in what you most value.

anonymous on November 14, 2011:

You are a fresh breeze inspiration...thanks for the pep talk, we need to be reminded and you do it so sweetly.

naugleb on November 13, 2011:

You have given us some great insight. Thanks for the lens.

wiedruce on November 10, 2011:

great lens!

Paul Turner from Birmingham, Al. on November 08, 2011:

Classy. This is how I try to be. I think of the future and I want to stay as active and as productive as long as I can. Great job!

Paul Turner from Birmingham, Al. on November 08, 2011:

Classy. This is how I try to be. I think of the future and I want to stay as active and as productive as long as I can. Great job!

anonymous on November 08, 2011:

great write indeed, I appreciate your feeling in your article writing, this is why I'm nominating this lens for 'lens of the day'. Also gave ya a 'thumbs up' for this. Your lens made me think of what I should act when I become elderly and I thank you for helping me use my brain.

hughgrissettsr lm on November 06, 2011:

exquisite lens!

privresearch on November 06, 2011:

Excellent lens

sherioz on November 05, 2011:

These are all excellent tips even for youngsters of 60 like me.

GrowWear on November 05, 2011:

Great tips. Hoping if it comes to it that I can use a Hoveround gracefully. Have known some folks with neuropathy in their feet but will not touch their Hoveround. They'd rather soldier on in pain and take a chance on falling and breaking something than to be seen in that chair.

chrisstapper on November 05, 2011:

Nice lens! Made me feel a bit better about aging (even though i'm very young still!).

WriterJanis2 on November 04, 2011:

You have some good advice here.

Deb Kingsbury from Flagstaff, Arizona on November 03, 2011:

Some very good suggestions. I think exercise and a positive attitude are SO important -- two things my mom could use a lot more of. She's an old 83 but could have been a much younger 83 if she'd moved a lot more and had a generally happy, optimistic view of the world.

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