How I Dealt With My Infertility, PCOS, and Ectopic Pregnancies

Updated on October 20, 2019
DominiqueCR profile image

Dominique discusses her years of dealing with infertility and a diagnosis of PCOS.

Together through it all!
Together through it all!

Infertility, PCOS, Ectopic Pregnancies, Oh My!

Bearing the Struggle Alone Can Build Tenacity

How do you get through it all? I'm going to say this simply and honestly. You will mostly go through it alone even if you talk to your partner/spouse, family, friends, and/or a support group. For me, this was such a lonely time. With that said, alone also means that you have to decide how determined you will be to get through it. And with that determination, get ready to become more knowledgeable about your body and its potential.

Now I'll begin my story of how I have learned that being alone in ones thoughts, struggles, and feelings can build tenacity.

When the Problems Began

I remember the day that I had my first period as if it was yesterday. My mother didn't talk to me about it before it happened. My grandmother probably didn't speak to her when it happened for her either. One word that can explain how I felt is devastation! I knew that day, at 11 years old, that this period business was not going to be a good thing for me! Don't ask me how I knew—I just did. I remember asking my mother if I needed to go to the hospital. Little did I know, I would spend decades seeing several doctors and specialists and undergoing several surgeries.

When I was about 15 years old, my mother took me to the emergency room because at this cycle, I was bleeding for at least two weeks. The first thing the doctor did was ask my mother to leave the room. I was horrified.

Then the doctor simply asked if I was sexually active. I strongly said, "NO!" which was the truth! But it was like being in a courtroom for a crime that you were not aware you even were a part of. After this inquisition, my mother was allowed to come back in the room. What was the solution? Putting me on birth control to regulate my period. The birth control made it better, but my issues continued and worsened as I got older.

Being Told You Won't Be Able to Have Children...

During college, I went for a doctor's visit for my regular menstrual issues. I was a junior attending University of Miami and looking forward to attending law school once I completed my Bachelors of Arts. Well this visit had the most impact on my goals for years to come. I explained my medical history with my periods and all. The doctor then gave me a big announcement: "You will have a very difficult time getting pregnant, if you can get pregnant at all."

Yes, this happened! At the age of 20, I didn't really want to deal with this, but it was always there in my head. "You will probably never have children." That was just not part of my master plan.

About a year later, I met my husband. We dated for about a year, and we were engaged for two years. I got married at 24 years old. I decided not to go to law school because I was planning a wedding and secretly, only to myself, I was becoming worried about having children.

...And Being Determined to Prove the Doctor Wrong

So as part of some crazy plan, I told my fiancé at the time that we didn't need to use birth control. I shared with him what the doctor said and told him I was concerned. So we went on with this master plan of me testing that doubtful doctor and recklessly wanting to prove him wrong!

As you can see, my determination to have a family started when I was pretty young. Once we got married, this was my one and only mission in life. I wanted a family, and I wanted one quickly. I didn't actively pursue any career; that was no longer important to me. I became a teacher, and I thought that would be a profession that would go well with having a family. I also enjoyed being around kids, so it fulfilled that need as well.

Going to See a Fertility Specialist

After about five years of marriage, I decided it was time to see an infertility specialist. We went to a fertility clinic in Miami after researching who was the best fertility doctor in the area. I was pleased to be in good hands.

This is when things started getting a little lonely. It was a lot of planning and doctor visits. When my husband traveled for work, I had to give myself shots to prepare for a new cycle of inseminations. On my days of solitude, I cried. While going to fertility clinics, you are poked for blood every minute, get frequent ultra sounds, and you get used taking all kinds of medications.

We (Almost) Got Pregnant

After our third insemination, I took a blood test and received a joyous call that I was pregnant. Yes! We did it! I knew that doctor in college was reckless with his diagnosis. I received another call after a follow-up blood work to check my hCG levels and was told that I had a chemical pregnancy. Basically, this means it didn't take. I was no longer pregnant.

Getting a Fresh Start and a New Diagnosis

This was just the beginning of years of more disappointments. We moved to another state, and I went to my first appointment with a new gynecologist who specialized in infertility. He was great! We immediately connected. He looked at all of my medical records from the fertility clinic in Miami and immediately noticed that they didn't check for a few other things. After a few tests, I was diagnosed with PCOS, or polycystic ovary syndrome.

I was so excited because we now knew the reason for my years of irregular periods and why I didn't ovulate. The doctor prescribed metformin to help with my PCOS. I read every book in the library about PCOS, and I did everything that was suggested for me to do. I told myself to stay focused and diligent.

My Infertility Game Plan

My Doctors
Support Groups
Knowlege
Find an informed primary care physician for overall good health.
Ask your doctor for suggestions.
Do your research on common procedures so you are informed.
Find a gynecologist with knowledge on infertility.
Search the internet for related support or MeetUp groups in your area.
Seek a therapist or psychologist to deal with your feelings.
Consult with a fertility specialist; interview different doctors.
Confide in understanding family members and friends.
Talk to others in similar situations.
The first place you can find support is from your doctors. Family and close friends can also be there when you need some encouragement, as can others who have been in a similar situation.

Finding Support

At this point, my husband and I joined an infertility group. I would recommend creating or joining a support group. Everyone in group talked about the loneliness, the judging family members wondering why you don't have children yet, the strain it can put on a marriage, going to other friends' baby showers, going into stores and looking at the baby clothing just because, and so much more! It was a good way to vent—especially for the women.

My Last Attempts

My wonderful new doctor referred me to one of the top fertility clinics in Atlanta where we lived at this time. With a definitive diagnosis, I felt I had a chance. And I was right; I had a chance. Just not success. I had two other pregnancies, but both of them were ectopic pregnancies and had to be medically terminated.

Our Marriage Stayed Strong, Although I Still Felt Alone

At this point, 10 years had passed in our marriage. It had been over a decade of trying to have a successful pregnancy. I am happy to say my marriage remained strong through the ups and downs of trying to conceive. We traveled and enjoyed each other, but I did feel alone. I honestly was alone, but during that time, I never gave up. Every child I saw made me want to be a mother even more. I let that fuel me. I wasn't alone just in sadness, but I was energized to keep trying.

I Didn't Let Any of This Dishearten Me

You get through infertility the best that you can, but know ahead of time that you will need to arm yourself like a soldier going to war—to protect you heart and persevere in any way you can.

I continued trying for a couple more years after the ectopic pregnancies with no success. I never was able to have a child. Sadly, for me, the doctor I had in college years ago was correct. At least he was correct that I would not conceive a child, but being a mother was in my cards.

This was not the end of my story. It continued on a different path with a new ambition to adopt. Stay tuned for my experience with adopting a child.

My hopes, dreams, and persistence all wrapped in this wonderful child that is my daughter.
My hopes, dreams, and persistence all wrapped in this wonderful child that is my daughter.

The Best Thing You Can Do Is Be Your Own Advocate!

It doesn't hurt to get a second opinion. You need a great medical team to work with as your medical support group. Go to your doctor with informed questions, ask for solutions and alternatives, and when needed, get a second opinion. Don't just settle!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, patientslounge.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)