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3 Ways We Kept Our Stress From Getting Out of Control

Denise speaks from her own experience. She has had many trials and difficulties in her own life and seeks to help others through theirs.

"I can't do this anymore. It is just too much," my husband, Dan, said, hanging his head. Standing in the midst of the disaster in our rental unit, we were feeling overwhelmed. This was the third tenant who had moved out without paying their rent, leaving their apartment in a junk heap.

We asked ourselves, "What could we have done differently?" We had tried to work with them, and at the same time, hold them accountable. It was a no-win situation, and now, we were suffering.

With both of us working, the task ahead of us seemed daunting, and our stress was getting out of control. We knew that at some point, we would need to sell the property, but when? And how do we deal with it in the meantime?

Life is full of stress. It is what we do with it that makes a difference.

Life is full of stress. It is what we do with it that makes a difference.

Where does stress come from?

Stress happens. It is a natural result of life, and we must take steps to manage it or it will get out of control. There are at least five sources of stress:

  1. Issues with our resources — time, money, people, and equipment
  2. Loss of things we love — family, home, dreams, pets, health, or friends
  3. Difficult circumstances — at home, school, work, or in the community
  4. Unresolved emotions — they fester and grow rather than going away
  5. Pressure to perform — concern over what others think of us

Stress can come from not having enough, or it can come from having too much. See the table below:

StressorConverse

Too much to do and not enough time

Too much time and too little to do

Too much month left at the end of the money

Too much money left at the end of the month

Not enough people to do what needs to be done

Too many people and not enough to do

Too little equipment to do the job right

Too much equipment sitting around without being used

In our case, our stress was coming from multiple sources. Our finances were limited due to tenants not paying rent. We had no time or desire to clean up the messes they made. If we were to sell the property, we would lose the future financial benefits of having it.

We had been trying for months to get these particular tenants to accept responsibility for their actions. We were close to taking legal action in hopes of recuperating our losses, then they left on their own. We were grateful they were gone but felt angry and frustrated by what they left behind.

With the approaching winter, we felt pressured to get things repaired and usable. We needed to haul away garbage, clean thoroughly, repair walls, and replace windows. Each project would take time and money that we really didn't have to spare.

We had adopted the philosophy many years ago that people were more important than things. We felt that owning the rental property would give us an avenue to help others as well as a financial tax shelter and a source of additional income.

Unfortunately, our philosophy put us in the position to trust people too much, giving others an unfair advantage over us. This was a hard lesson to learn, and we knew that we needed to be more careful in the future.

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.

— Thomas S. Monson

Signs that stress is getting to be too much

When stress gets out of control, we experience a variety of physical ailments:

  • cold symptoms
  • headaches
  • joint and muscle pain
  • stomach upset
  • fatigue or sleeplessness
  • racing thoughts
  • irritability
  • lack of concentration
  • increase or decrease of appetite
  • changes in digestive processes

If we recognize that these are stress related symptoms, we can take steps to alleviate the problem. Choosing not to do so will result in more permanent damage to our physical bodies. We end up with things like high blood pressure, heart issues, ulcers, chronic fatigue, and degenerative muscle diseases.

Between the two of us, Dan and I were both taking multiple over the counter remedies daily. It was evident that we needed to do something different before one of us ended up in the hospital.

A Change of Focus

There are three simple techniques we can use to interrupt the escalation of stress. They are: 1) change our focus, 2) prioritize our activities, and 3) set boundaries for ourselves. As we do these things, we minimize the stress we experience and decrease the chances that we become chronically ill.

Standing in that apartment, I knew that if I didn't say something to change our focus, we wouldn't get anything done. I asked Dan how long we had owned the rental unit. He said, "Thirteen years."

I replied, "In those thirteen years, what has this rental unit done for us?" Together, we listed all the benefits we had experienced, including a hefty tax break, money to purchase two vehicles, a means whereby we could finance a new roof and siding on our primary home, and an opportunity to work together on a meaningful project.

As we looked at the situation from a different point of view, we realized that what we were currently experiencing was a temporary setback, and that if we simply kept moving forward, we would eventually get through it.

Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows.

— Thomas S. Monson

The Need to Prioritize

We decided that we needed to prioritize the projects that were ahead of us. There was so much to do, if we didn't figure out what was most important, we would work very hard without really accomplishing anything.

Since one of the properties belongs to Dan's deceased father's estate, getting that property ready for sale was a high priority. We knew, however, that we could easily be burned out by focusing solely on it. At the same time, we needed to get new renters in the other property, and there was much to be done to accomplish this goal.

We sat down and looked at our calendar to find windows of time when we could focus on one property or the other. We realized that there were some openings in our busy schedule when we could work together on the project.

Dan also realized that he had people available to him that could help when I was not available. Humbling ourselves enough to ask for this help was difficult, but it would keep us from wearing ourselves out.

Once we determined these two priorities, we were able to see the steps to take to accomplish both goals in a timely manner. We spent less time stewing, and more time actually getting the things done that needed our attention.

Difficulties bring out the worst in us, that is, unless we do something different to rise above the situation we are in.

Difficulties bring out the worst in us, that is, unless we do something different to rise above the situation we are in.

Setting Boundaries

After working on several of the projects together, I realized that my physical body was not bouncing back from the extra exertion. I had to step back and take inventory, helping in other ways rather than overspending my physical strength.

Dan had been fighting an upper respiratory infection. It seemed to come and go with the amount of sleep he had. He, too, had to make the decision that rest was important to him. We mused that we were not as young as we used to be. There was a time in life when we could work through the night in physically demanding work and not see any adverse affects. That time had come and gone!

Now that we are in our declining years, we have had to be much more careful with what we are doing. We have to move slower, take longer to consider options, and weigh in a balance what we will do and when. Setting boundaries for ourselves means that we will survive the length of time needed to get the jobs done that are laid out before us.

We had previously considered keeping the properties into our retirement. It was now very evident that would not be wise. Rather, we decided to fix them up, prepare them for sale, and find other ways to bring in additional income. Life would be much more pleasant not having to go through this again!

Stress Doesn't Have to Get the Best of Us

Stress doesn't have to get out of control. When we see our physical symptoms as red flags, we can step back and ask ourselves:

  • What is happening?
  • What am I feeling?
  • What am I thinking about doing?
  • What will happen if I do it?
  • Is that really what I want?
  • What would be better in the long run?

As we take a moment and evaluate what is happening, we can see a better path for ourselves and make the choices that will bring us greater happiness and peace. All it takes is for us to change our focus, prioritize what needs to be done, and set boundaries for ourselves.

Oftentimes, fear gets in the way of us doing these things. We are afraid of what others will think, or we have a fear of the unknown future. Having the courage to go forward in spite of these fears, we find that they are unfounded, that things usually work out for the good of others and ourselves, and that life actually does get better!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2017 Denise W Anderson

Comments

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on March 11, 2019:

Thanks, Lorna. Stress has been my nemesis for most of my life. Learning how to recognize and deal with it has been key for my emotional and physical health. Once I understand it, I can take steps to manage and decrease it, if necessary. I appreciate your comments.

Lorna Lamon on March 10, 2019:

Really informative and insightful article Denise. I see stress related issues on a daily basis and understanding where it is coming from is the key. Your article explores lots of reasons and highlights your own particular experiences. Thank you for sharing this much needed advice.

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on November 07, 2018:

You are welcome, Alianess. I am glad that you found something useful from my experiences and words. You are right in that we are unable to think clearly when stress gets out of hand. That makes it even more difficult to handle. I appreciate your comments.

Alianess Benny Njuguna from Kenya on November 07, 2018:

Thank you Denise, for this article. It is exactly what I need. I feel stressed sometimes thinking clearly becomes an issue. I will remember those three factors which will aid in controlling stress from getting out-of-hand and your personal experience which will be easier to remember and learn.

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 31, 2017:

Thanks for the compliment, toknowinfo. You are so right, that our perspective on things makes a difference in what we do, especially in difficult situations. If we have a few tools on hand we can use at these times, we will make decisions that affect our responses in a positive way. I have learned these things from my own experience. When I write about them, it helps me to remember, and gives others a hand as well. I appreciate your comments!

toknowinfo on October 31, 2017:

This is a truly valuable article. Our perspective on things affects how we feel, what we think, and what action we take. The recommendation you give offer an effective and realistic way to handle various stressful situations. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 19, 2017:

It is tough when we get into that type of situation and don’t know what to do, Devika. I am glad you found these recommendations helpful. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on October 19, 2017:

A few days ago I was in the most stressful moment. I had to converse with the delivery guy and ask him to wait for a few minutes for the person to arrive home in order to fetch his package. I wouldn't want to be in that position again. It just don't go with me. So used to not hurrying or being stressed about anything. Your tips are useful.

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 18, 2017:

I heard something siilar, Dora. That is exactly right! Stress is what keeps us going everyday. Our ability to manage it, however, will make or break us. I appreciate your comments!

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on October 17, 2017:

Denise, I attended a seminar in which the lecturer started by saying, "I have some bad news for you. The only way to avoid stress completely is to die." Thanks for your valuable suggestions on how to stay alive while we deal with the stress.

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 17, 2017:

She is a woman after my own heart, Eric! I used to think that was the only way! Now, however, my physical health does not allow me to do that, and I have to find a different response. As you encourage her to talk about what she is experiencing, perhaps she will come up with other options. Your love will help carry her through the transition. Thanks for sharing!

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 17, 2017:

That quote is one of my favorites as well, Audrey. It reminds me that there is a higher purpose to the mundaneness of life, and that people are more important than things. We may be quick to solve problems, but if we don’t pay attention to the people involved, we may be creating more issues than the ones we thought we solved! I appreciate your comments.

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 17, 2017:

Thanks, Glenn. It is good to hear that others have had similar experiences! Stress can come from so many directions. Taking the time to stop and consider what we are experiencing gives us a chance to plan our responses rather than jumping to conclusions. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts!

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on October 17, 2017:

Great article. I really try to keep an eye on this stuff. I am around a workaholic and her stress response is always to work more. Oh well.

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on October 16, 2017:

Changing your focus is a wonderful and quick way to reduce stress. I'm glad you mentioned this along with your other tips.

I just love Thomas Monson's quote: "Never let a problem to be solved be more important than the person to be loved."

Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on October 16, 2017:

I can relate to your stressful experience. I once had to evict a tenant who didn’t pay his rent for many months. The stress happens when you wonder if they will destroy the property before getting them out. At least in your case they left, even if not paying.

The physical ailments you mentioned are very true. I experience some of those issues when I am stressed out by people who mess up and don’t hold them selves accountable.

Asking yourself questions of what you want to achieve out of the issue is the best way to avoid stress. That was a very helpful list you mentioned at the end of your article.

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 16, 2017:

Thanks for sharing your renewed commitment, Carolyn! When we set boundaries for ourselves, we keep from getting overworked, and our physical health is preserved. By prioritizing what we do, we get more of the important things in life accomplished and have time to spend with those that we love. I appreciate your insights!

Denise W Anderson (author) from Bismarck, North Dakota on October 16, 2017:

I think that a lot of us feel that way, Bill. Life seems to get harder the further along we go! I appreciate your desires to help others. Thanks for sharing!

Carolyn Fields from South Dakota, USA on October 16, 2017:

Wonderful hub! Thank you for your wise words. I'm starting this week with a renewed emphasis on setting boundaries and prioritizing!

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on October 16, 2017:

I'm surrounded by family members who are plumb worn out by stress. I'll share this with them. Thanks Denise!

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